Lundi, c'est Woody

pour faire tressauter les zygomatiques, voici le sketch promis sur sa femme plus celui sur l'hypocondrie. Touillez votre café, sirotez, lisez, savourez:

I had a rough marriage

"I wanted to discuss my marriage or, as it was known, The Oxbow Incident. I had a rough marriage. Well, my wife was an immature woman and, that's all I can say. See if this isn't immature to you: I would be home in the bathroom, taking a bath, and my wife would walk in whenever she felt like and sink my boats.

It was partially my fault that we got a divorce. I had a lousy attitude toward her. For the first year of marriage, I tented to place my wife underneath a pedestal.

We used to argue and fight and finally we decided we should either take a vacation or get a divorce. We discussed it very maturely and we decided on the divoorce because we felt we had a limited amount of money to spend. A vacation in Bermuda is over in two weeks but a divorce is something that you always have.

I saw myself free again, living in the Village in a bachelor apartment with a wood-burning fireplace, a shaggy rug and, on the walls, one of those Picassos by Van Gogh. Great swinging airline hostesses running amok in the apartment. I got very excited and I laid it right on the line with her. I came right to the point. I said, "Quasimodo, I want a divorce." And she said, "Great, get the divorce".

But it turns out in New York State they have a strange law that says you can't get a divorce unless you can prove adultery. That is weird because the Ten Commandments say, "Thou shalt not commit adultery," but New York State says you have to.

For a while there, it's like a toss-up between God and Rockefeller. So I figured one of us has got to commit adultery to get the divorce. I volunteered.

But when you're married and out of circulation there's not that many women who you can have a thing with. The only woman I knew was my wife's best friend, Nancy. So I called up Nancy on the phone and I asked her if she would have adultery with me. She said, "Not even if it would help the Space Program." Which I took as a negative at the time.

What finally happened was my wife committed adultery for me. She's always been more mechanically inclined than I was."

Did he suffer much?

"I once had a pain in the chestal area. I was sure it was heartburn because at that time I was married and my wife was cooking her Nazi recipe. Chicken Himmler.

I didn't want to pay twenty-five bucks to have it reaffirmed by some medic that I had heartburn but I was worried because it was in the chestal area. Then it turns out my friend Eggs Benedict has a pain in his chestal area in the exact same spot. I figured if I could get Eggs to go to the doctor, I could figure out what was wrong with me at no charge.

So I con Eggs. He goes. Turns out he's got heartburn. Costs him twenty-five dollars. And I feel great because I beat the medic out of twenty-five big ones.

Call up Eggs two days later. He died.

I check into a hospital immediately. Have a battery of tests drawn. X-rays. Turns out I got heartburn. Costs me one hundred and ten dollars.

Now I'm furious. I run into Eggs' mother and I say "Did he suffer much?" And she said, "No, it was quick. Car hit him and that was it."

Comments

[elisabeth]

Bonjour
Juste merci une fois de plus..Vous égayez mes journées de travail Sinon que faites vous dans la vie à part observatrice du quotidient et maman d'un chat??Juste pour savoir si on peut vous lire ailleurs..et à part ça si vous preniez en compte que les françaises de la génération de votre maman ne sont pas forcément bilingues vous pourriez mettre la trad quand vous reprenez un sketch anglais parce que là je râle de ne rien comprendre

le sketch promis sur sa femme plus celui sur l'hypocondrie. Touillez votre café, sirotez, lisez, savourez:

[CaptainNavarre]

C'est toujours un plaisir de lire/relire, voir/revoir, entendre/réentendre ce cher Woody! Merci! :)